Happiness is a Luxury

"it started out as a very fine day. I felt happy. It's been awhile since i felt that way.

Everything goes ok...well till

K singlehandedly ruined what could have been a fine day.

He brought me back to reality. How I am just pretending.

I have no task I want to go home."

That is my first post of this blog entry. A few minutes of trying to hold back the tears (somehow nahimasmasan na) I am going to rewrite this entry.

its true that earlier today i felt really blissful. It was a certain high that i felt like nothing will go wrong or no one could destroy my mood. I even wore yellow and white today. I feel good because I am excited to work again on my 3D project. I got tons of things I want to do. I was inspired. But one has to go to work to earn money (kahit papano). Fortunately I got only a few tasks so I easily finished the task.

Then I thought about K. I thought about how cool his day would have been since He rode a chopper and took aerial shots. Isn't that cool. I'm really proud of K. I even bragged to my officemate the music video he did for Fr. Alejo. I love listening to his stories of his work. He sounds so adult and in authority (Rawr). But last time i think he got pissed off at me because I text messaged him while he had a dinner meeting with the Mayor (Malay ko ba!). So at first I was hesitant to text message him. Since I want to share my happiness with him I bravely sent him a message. After exchange of pleasantries I learned that he is online. Because I really wanted to tell him how I am happy I am today I sent him a message through YM.

maybe he is busy... He said he will be offline soon. He will take a nap since he will be working again. He said that he does three jobs now video editing, photo coverage and research. Well I felt like he said that I have no time for your happy crappy shit. Let me be I'm busy. All of my happiness popped like a toy balloon. He is a very helpful guy. I have heard stories how he helps other people. How he gave them advice, how he was there for people who needed him. But he can never be there for me. He made it clear to me.

I feel like an outsider with him. He has this thick wall. All I could do is peek inside. I want to step inside that wall. I wish I am his barkada so I won't feel being left out most of the time.

I know I am holding on to something that is not there in the first place. So I know I cannot expect anything from him.

But he is perfect for me. Unattached, Career oriented, and an artist in his own right. I don't need a serious relationship right now. He is what I wished for a guy who is not so attached to me that one day if I have to leave it will not matter to him.

So I will make this resolution so that i will feel bad any longer. I will find happiness alone. I will focus on my career so that I will not think about him. I must find some cute good looking guy for a distraction...hehehe joke. I want to say in the end of the day I am happy not because of someone but because I solely earned my happiness. Right now I feel better.

Maybe I just needed to unload what I feel. hehehehe

K if ever you get to read this I want to say to you...even though you have a cool job, you have a hot career and friends you can hang around with I am still MUCH PRETTIER THAN YOU! hahaha joke. Basta darating din ang araw mamimis mo ako. hehehehehe :P