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With no task at hand I surf the net and found a very cool blog entry!

"The nature of "cool" is being comfortable doing things other people aren't comfortable with."

Check out this blog entry from Coroflot's Creative seeds

6 Ways to Make Your Interview Attire as Slick as Your Design Portfolio, by Robert Blinn

With nothing else to do.. i thought about falling in love.

I thought I never fell in love. Actually I did or I am.

This love which I have just ignored is actually right there in front of me. A love that consumes every being of my soul. A love that makes me want to live another day. A love that takes away all my loneliness. A love that despite all my mistakes makes everything fine.

This love has saved me from everything. Kept me afloat when I was drowning in my sorrow. Made me come home despite losing everything. Made me stand on what I believe.

Many relationships will start and end but this love will never leave me. I will never be alone again if I have faith on this love.

For me that is falling in love, crying, laughing, wishing, hoping, dying and living again.

I maybe living in an imperfect world but for me imperfection is beautiful.

Love (lv)

I am absent today. I woke up from a bad dream (it involved decapitated bodies due to explosions, i know I do have weird dreams) and a fever. I have no load and so I am stuck staring at the ceiling.

Thank God for wonderful officemates. My officemate and good friend Tino bought for me load and my Love team Ryan gave me touching habilin from the heart.


inom daghan tubig tapos get enough rest (drink lots of water and get some rest)
tapos ayaw painit (don't expose yourself to the sun)
kusion ta jud ka heheheh (or else ill pinch you)
ayaw pabadlong sa imo mama heheh (don't give your mother a headache)
karon udto inom ka ug sabaw. tapos unya udto bukot ka habol kanang panington ka (this lunchtime drink some soup and wrap yourself in a blanket so that you will perspire)
dili na tatay, love team jud ingana on jud na pag atiman(that's not fatherly love that what love teams do)
kung naa ko diha hunigtan ta ka og sabaw! heheheh(if i am there i would have feed you soup myself)

I am feeling better knowing that there are officemates who do care.
Just makes me smile!

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

A friend of mine printed out my blog had a shrink read my blog.

The shrink said that I am a Psychopath.

What is a psychopath?

psy·cho·path (sī'kə-păth')
n.

A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

Am I really like Hannibal? Am I that vile evil thing? Have I caused so much damage that people think I am a Psychopath?

"Sai! Naglinog!" my father cried out. "Kabalo mi." me and my sister bluntly answered.

The long weekend is over. Whew...it was filled with many events.

Most web designers started out in print design or have a background in print. Even I started out in print. When you are used to print and you shift to web you will realize that the two are two different things.

In making print design you want you images with the highest possible resolution and you want your layout intact when you have your final output. Print means hard copy, something tangible that you can really hold in your fingers.

Web is very different. Your images should not be that be big so it would load faster. Layout is never permanent. I will look different with each browser. What looks good in Mozilla might not work with IE. Then there are the PC and Mac users.

When you are working with the client you should explain the different between the print and web. Clients tend to expect to have the same exact result as the print out. You should explain that there are pros and cons with a certain design like if they want a particular layout font or design this could mean low download speed and high maintenance.

In designing for the web you should consider what your client is using whether if is PC or Mac. You should also consider the target market what size of monitor will be using. Not everyone surfs the net with 19 inch monitor. Never forget to test and retest your design. Your layout may look you in IE but not in Mozilla.

With the help of CSS you could achieve precise layout but it never be as exact as print.

Its kadayawan here in Davao. Everyone at the office is amped up for the festivities. The talk of salary distribution polluted the hubport air. How can one enjoy the festivities with an empty wallet! At that time my thoughts were filled with the idea about my nose being pierced. Salary distribution was still unclear when I left the office. I asked Tino to text me if the salary is really given. I went to Gmall bought a silver stud for my nose (i didn't know that it came in different sizes, I picked the smallest one). The other day Tino had accompanied me to Rhostie's since I didn't know where it was. I was suppose to have my nose pierced then but apparently they had no available jewelry for the nose. My sister wanted to come to the piercing but I was kinda scared. So I decided that I will face my fear alone. At was already at Rhostie's when Tino text that the salary will be released. The guy was already prepping up for the piercing so I hurriedly replied that he will wait for me.

The Piercing was not that bad. I didn't cry out in pain or did any hysterics. I hurt though but not that much. It just caused my to shed a tear. I paid the guy and when out to look for a taxi. At that time I already felt the throbbing pain across my face. I couldn't do any acrobatics with my nose. The pain robbed me of my sleepiness. When I arrived at the office I asked ma'am Weng if the salary will be released. She said no. I wanted to wring Tino's neck! I could have been sleeping right at moment at home.

Fortunately my effort coming back to office was not wasted since I had a meeting with the client (sosyal!). Everyone was not in the mood since their Kadayawan would be super dry (and that is not the beer). I was waiting for Tino and Jay plans (Yes, Tino is still alive, i forgave him even though a few moments ago I wanted him to bury alive). Jay was still very eager about going out salary or no salary. Tino was really broke so Jay suggested that he borrow money from Mitch...and that story gave a new meaning to 50 pesos! Don't ask me because I don't want to imagine the Mitch-Tino scenario. With nothing else to do we slept in the extra room at the office. i did not really sleep the bed was too damn flat.

The fruit of the final four's (from all the morning shift we were the only ones left)effort was finally paid off. We got our salaries but unfortunately it was only partial! We all got 1200.

With the money matter out of the way the final four faced the rain in order to hail a cab. It took time till we got a taxi! When we finally got one halfway to Bak-bak the taxi ran out of gas! Jay was exasperated. It didn't really took us long to look for another cab. Jay immediately asked the driver if he had enough gas or if his tires were ok. Is God sending signs for us not to drink?

We finally got to Bak-bak! Yehey!

My left shoulder hurts. It a slow deep throb that keep on reminding me that i do have a left shoulder and it hurts. I do not know what exactly caused the pain. It either due to my pilates or my activities yesterday.

It is Saturday night and I am at home. I used to pity myself because I stay at home during Saturday nights. Now my Saturday night is a scheduled pause from the week that had just passed. My official night out is Friday. Hopefully my parents will get used to me going home at 4:30 am the following day.

(damn my shoulder really hurts tsk tsk tsk)

I had a SEO traning at my office. SEO = search engine optimization. It is a interesting and useful piece of information...but unfortunately i don't know shit when it comes to programing. I really want to apply SEO thingy with thi blog but I do not know where to start. I also do not know if i have the time to do all those stuff. Anyways I am not selling anything or interested in increased traffic in my blog. My blog is just me ranting about my mundane life.

Next week will definitely a busy one. I am currently swamped with work and then Kadayawan festivities will start. I have already an appointment with my sister and her friends. My officemates are planing a beach outing. My current beau is going to Manila (I really want to go with him, I miss Manila).

sigh....

I sat and snuggled beside him as we watched a movie. He held hand. He softly kissed my check. I smiled.

In the past I was in relationships that somehow defy the usual norms of a sane relationship. There was the weird cousin, the struggling artist, the big headed director wannabe, the reformed bad boy (who by the way is a girl) and the young idealist. I knew being with them I broke many rules. It was a taboo. It was prohibited. There was the burning passion. There was the silent rebellion. Some way or another those relationship did not made sense. I was just swept into it because of my rash judgments and insatiable curiosity. I had broken hearts, loss their trust and woven a complex web of half hidden truths.

Being with him feels like slow burning fire. The heat is there, it may not burn but in the long run I am pretty sure my feelings with be well done when the time comes.

I am just taking a slow pace. Toned down passion. More talk and enjoying his company. He has been a friend to me for quite some time but I am just getting to know a side I did not know existed before.

As I rode the jeep home. I thought about him. I do not know if we will last. At least I will make plans one day at a time for the time being.

Mondays can be crazy sometimes.

My Monday started out with what seems a very innocent coffee break between two officemates. Unfortunately I have a very vivid imagination (provoked by an AXE ad) teamed up with testosterone induced humor we made out mundane coffee break in a very hilarious one. Tino was eating his pandesal with peanut butter when I remembered the Axe ad "Turns good girls naughty". I told Tino about it and he blurted out he could imagine that when someone would go inside the kitchen he would see Tino sprawled on the table smeared with peanut butter and with me on top. This intruded instead of being shocked at the imagine. He or she would say "Apil ko!" (I want to join) and locks the door. I said to Tino what if it was the Landlady ( Ma'am Lourdes from the Admin). He laughed and exclaimed I would definitely jump off the window. We were really laughing hard at that imagine when Jake came in. Tino was shaking his head and I knew what was in his head. That time anyone who would come in will fuel out imagination. Nina also came in. I said to Tino what is his reaction. He replied at first he would stop and think then still jump off the window (mean, mean Tino). After Nina went out. Tino said we should hurry up because he no longer wishes to see who will come in next since in there is very big possibility that a guy would come in next since the population of girls in my office is very discreet.

By the time i went back to my station my tummy was already aching due to excessive laughter. I made my status in my skype "cold coffee and peanut buttered Tino anyone?".

We had our morning prayer. Ma'am Lelit was not around so Ma'am Lourdes was the one who lead the prayer. It was about the sins of the flesh. That made me think of tino 's peanut buttered flesh. hahaha!

My weekend was a blast...yeah right.

Since I went home so last Friday (well actually its was already a Saturday when I went home) I no longer went out on the Saturday. I was also super tired. So I just slept till 2 pm. My sister woke me up. I had my emo moments and then blogged the rest of the night. I know I could go out if I really want to but I miss staying at home and be bored. I blogged till 2 am.

Sunday was Armi's baptismal. She is the household help daughter. After the baptismal I discovered that there was something wrong with my PC!!! After how many attempts nothing happened. By the end of the day I have given up and concluded my PC has crashed. (I was so happy because I had finally installed the Adobe CS3 last Saturday)

It's another Monday morning. Work mode again. Even though my weekend kinda sucked I am happy that I am with speaking terms again with my friend Sheryl.

its already 2 am.

I am still in front of the computer. I am still writing in this blog. Maybe thats how I really miss blogging that right now I don't know how to stop. Hahaha

When I started blogging I really wanted people reading my blog. Right now that many people reads my blog I lost my will to blog. I had to have a new blog where only a few knows. A friend asked me why I blog, why not keep a diary instead.

I blog due to many reasons. Whatever I write I like people reading it. My life is really an open book to strangers. I want people I don't know reading my blog but i don't want people connected to me reading it. I don't want people whom I know misinterpreting what I write. There is a certain thrill in blogging. It's a secret back door to my life. It's my public secret.

I do try to not mention names in blog. When I do mention names it is usual blog entries about mundane things in my life.

Yawn....

My bed is already calling out to me. My dreams are now trying to posses me.

It's break up season for me.

Half a month ago I had just broken with my gf for a year and half. Then Last Monday I broke up with my bf for a month. (Okay okay The two relationships at some point overlap). The main reason for break up number one was not because of the other guy but because of my parents. She was suppose to visit me last July but i got postponed because my parents didn't want me hanging out with her. They did not know that we were together. They did not like her because she was a member of the third sex (They did not know that their daughter was also an amphibian [that what we call for dykes, lesbians, vagitarians]). Imagine they did not want me having her as a friend what more for a partner in life. I did love her. But I guess I still love my parents so much more that I let her go. I do terribly miss her bit right now I can no longer contact her. She need to unlearn to love me and move on.

I know I am a bad person because I had another guy while I was still with my gf. The reason having the other guy is so stupid. I can not make excuses for my stupid actions. I know i deserved to be dump because I'm such a cheat. I was so selfish then. I wanted them both in my life. I knew I was boiling myself with my own oil. (Don't worry right now I'm paying for those sins).

I thought I would start something new with the boy friend. He seemed promising. My gf wanted to marry me and I was not ready for a commitment with that magnitude. My fear led me to do stupid things. I know I don't deserve the love of my gf. The guy is younger than I am. I knew it would be years before settle down. I thought I would start something light. He knew about my gf. I also warned him about my devious nature. I though he could handle me.

I was wrong. My gf couldn't handle me (and she was already a very matured person), what could I expect with someone who had just graduated from college. I was his second gf. He really didn't knew how to handle a gf. At first it was fine. But when I broke up with my gf. Maybe having me 100% scared him or something. That things started to become sour. We fought most of the time. He hurt me unintentionally a couple of time. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to have fun. He was giving me headaches.

Last Saturday was a turning point. I was at my bf at that time. That I went out with another friend. This friend of mine was kinda courting me. I know here I am again with my stupid actions. I didn't hear from my bf all night. The next day I learned that his cell phone got confiscated again by his parents. I was super guilty since I was out that Saturday. Monday came and I learned from an officemate that he was playing dota till 3 am. I was no longer guilty.
I was even glad that I went out that night.

By Tuesday it was over.

Me: hey
Him: hey
Him: sorry
Me: hey
Me: i really want to talk to u
Me: maski 1 min
Him: ok
Me: nasa bahay na ako nsa jeep na ako
Me: nung dumatng ako
Me: i mean ikaw
Him: huh?
Me: shit sabog na utak ko
Me: sorrry
Him: nasa bahay ka na? nasa jeep ka na?
Me: may cp ka?
Him: yah meron
Him: d ko magets
Me: i mean nasa jeep na ako nung dumating ka na office
Him: ahhh
HIm: d ka pala sinundo?
Me: di ako napasuno
Me: paghapon uwi ko
Me: i uwi alone
Him: ahh
Him: ok

this is the drama started

me: i want to ask u
this once
interested ka ba talaga
ipagpatuloy natin
ating realtionship?
ayoo?
ay
wala nagreply
ok

Him:wait tinawag ako mam thea

Me: ok
anyways read this pag
di ka bz
i really want us to work out
pero
i cant compete
with ur gaming
cant compete
with everything else
maybe im not the righ girl for u
hay
i hate this feeling
ang emo ko na
tapos im home alone
sarap umiyak
maya maya siguro
sa ngayon
i dont know wat to do
na
kasi u say u want me to be happy
pero ngayon
ur the one who is causing me to be sad
kasi
im expecting too much

Him: back

Me: at parang tanga
na
lagi disapoint

Him: and i'm reading all these

Me: eh kung di naman ako masyado expect di naman ako madisapoint di b?
i know its unfair for u kasi i set ang taas ng standards at ur just starting out
i guess pagtumanda ka na
patweetums is not enough na

Him: cguro nga

Me: hay may feeling nga ako
na nagcomputer ka
tapos
nainis
ako
kasi maski i was out i was still waiting
for u

Him: we have different likes and dislikes

Me: tama si
tino
sa yo
i should have
listened to him
ako naman kasi hard headed and i though na di ganun
pero un nga ganun ka talaga
i wanted to prove him wrong
alam mo pinaglalaban talaga ni tino side mo

Me: bata pa nga cguro ako mel to understand things. but there are times na i need to go down my level cguro from ur level.

Me: im such a fool

Him: i don't know i sometimes doesn't understand me
i couldn't give up my childish ways as easy as i thought
i know i'm very selfish

Me: i want to be mad

Him: for not really going up to ur level try things

Me: pero its no use
nu
none sense un
hehehe

Him: to make everything better

Me: you cant make everything better
ur just making it worse

Him: how did i make it worse?

Me: nung sat i was willing
to wait sa yo sa meeting
maski magtanga ako s isand tabi
pero still

Him: but i don't want you to be that

Me: pina uwi mo ako
tapos

Him: i know you.

Me: know me?
u dont

Him: u got moods which i don't understand

Me: if u know me
eh sana

Him: i tried to understand

Me: u have avoided all of this

Him: i could i a know it way from happening

Me: i did want to go home sat

HIm: *if

Me: kasi di pa tayo nag aayos
tapos
nalaman ko pa naglaro ka till 3
tapos i wanted for ur text
ung kay kenth it was a joke
pero nagmumukhang tanga na kasi ako
kaya umalis ako

Him: yeah. i did. because of what you said. goin out with kenth
which after all is true

this part i became furious and insane
Me: it was a god damn joke
ay ayaw ko na
oo na mistake ko
na
im the fucking

Him: yet it wasn't until yesterday that you said it was a joke

Me: cunt
slut i

Him: hey

Me: in this relationship
break na ta
kasi
wag ka na magkipagrelasyon
sa isang puta like me
go one

Him: hey

Me: go on
and hang out with your frieds
i didnt want to end this
pero u leave me no choice
alam mo pinagsisihan ko ang araw ikaw pinili ko
at least maski puppy is in mla she was there for me
ikaw na nandyan
i felt nothing

Him: you still have feelings for puppy even though nakipagbreak ka na..

Me: yung love ko kay puppy
kasi
may pinagsamahan kami
tapos
bilib ako sa tao
kasi maski ngayon
na alm niya na di kami pwede
pero she is still there
kung may kailangan ako
eh ikaw
i have to beg for it

Him: i fresh from all this. all i want is for you to say
not to give hints
i am no good guesser. i knw the feeling pero i don't know what to expect.
you could have said something
nung saturday
hat you want to go
yet you dwell in silence

Me: im so upset
na halos di na ako makakita
dahil sa luha ko

Him: its quite iiritating to guess or think the way you should have

Me: im sorry
im the older one

Him: i know i have no right to be angry
because i'm the guy

Me: im sorry

Him: so i have to make way

Me: this is all my fault

Him: i have to think
i have to have a good guess

Me: dont worry about me

Him: i have to put myself in someone's shoes

Me: maya ill be ok na
or ill try ot be ok
im sorry talaga

Him: and in my playing times

Me: i mentioned his name

Him: childish ways
all i want is that someone to appreciate me
in my habits
in my kagaguhan

Me: ur not gagu
i have known
mas gago na guys

Him: yes i'm thinking and acting like a child
i play games
dwell with computers
i easily get excited sa dota

Me: hay its not that

Him: i am attached to my friends
i don't know

Me: alam mo ba is joe
he was into games
his friends
comics
at i only saw him once a week

Him: it could be nice to at least accompany me or appreciate things i like
ven if it wasn't the things you really like

Me: im sorry talaga

him: i don't know now

Me: im so sorry
sana

Him: its really really punching me sideways

Me: sana di ka nadamay sa shitty life ko

Him: or watever

Me: ur a nice kid

HIm: i guess i just want to enjoy life to the fullest
hanggang meron pa chance

Me: ako din
nu
kaya i dont want to wait

Him: coz sooner or later, i will be supporting my goddamn family
my sister and my brother
its ok to think those are excuses

Me: hay

Him: but i don't care if they are. its my reality

Me: naku
alam mo this is funny

Him: complicated complicated life

Me: kasi

Him: i'm not supposed to be angry or something

Me: i have met people na mas complicated ang life

Him: yet i am

Me: pero ikaw naman nagcomplicate ng life mo

Him: you think so?

Me: yup

Him: life is never really easy

Me: ur thinking too much
tapos
Him: its easy to hide cmplications and let it be sa bahay
kesa dalhin sa labas

Me: ur always hard on ur self

Him: i should be because they want me to be

Me: and it shouldn't be

Him: kahit na sabihin natin, i am the one making my life complicated.
its really nothing since in the first place complicated na man life ko
so oks lang to make it worst

Me: hay i mentioned his name again

Him: wats the difference

Me: alam mo love pa naman kita
and i dont want to add to ur burdens

Him: now i'm full of shit

me: maski it hurts to say goodbye
pero
i need to be happy din
ayaw ko
na lagi mo akong pinapaiyak
ayaw ko bumalik
sa luma ways ko

Him: goodbyes are not really meant to be forever

me: alam mo
gust kita kausapin ng
harap hrapan
para makita mo
gaano mo ako hurt
to tell u things
sa face mo
to look u in the eye

Him: alam ko. i have to face it too

Me: despite everything
di nagsorry
ikaw pa ang galit

Him: na pagkatapos nito, you'll make fun of me na and dstroy me or soemthing
or i don't know

Me: of cors not

HIm: sbayag, nung child pa ako, ive been through it

Me: im not that imature
i wont
do behind ur back
hay mentioned his name again

Him: alam ko mistakes ko toh

Me: u think u have everyone figured out
alam mo naman ako

Him: i guess not from here on

Me: i dont hold grudges

Him: ako rin anman

this part ang tanga tanga ko na
Me: ngayon
nga ok na feeling ko
naiyak ko na
i have forgoten about sat
tapos i have forgiven u na
i hope u will forgive me too
kasi
mistake ko naman din
ung sat
sana i told u

Him: haay

Me: sana i hold on

Him: so friend parin ba kita?
or something?

Me: and tried to make u understand

Him: after all this?

Me: of cors friend mo naman ako
gf mo naman pa rin ako
if u still want to
watever works for u

this part he is the stupid one

Him: but its complicated if ganun da?
dba?
sabi mo?

Me: did i say complicated
i did not
ay complicated
ikaw lang nagsabi nun

Him: but still it is... pinapaiyak kita

me: im willing to give u a chance

Him: i hurt you without knowing

Me: pero if u have
given up
ok lang
im at peace na
kasi
ive said
wats bothering me
kaya its up to u na

Him: whats bothering you is me. ayt?

Me: yup
:)
alam mo
gusto ko sana
wen u look at me
i make u smile
i make u happy

Him: oo naman

Me: at hindi wen u look at me
ur sad
at naawa ka sa akin

Him: haay

Me: nasaan na kaya
ung simple boy
who i fell in love with?
yung insonmiac
na lagi ko kachat
noon
na lagi ako sinasabihan ng jusko

Him: jusko

me: kasi shocked him

Him: hehe

Me: hehehe
who said
wonderful things

Him: iguess pwede ka parin maghang out sa amin nina ares right?
at tin?
alam mo feeling ko restrictions ako ngaun sau...
and i made you make a wrong decision (on puppy and me) and i'm a failure

Me: hay darating din
sa buhay mo
na magets mo rin
ako
if u love someone
di naman sila restrictions
hay sad
u have given up
sige bye
im sorry

Him: hey
I'm sorry

Me: i had made ur life miserable

Him: if i have been a failure
no, honestly, its our relationship that made me think more, realize more, grew more sa 3 relationships that i had

Me: so
ur giving up just as easily?

Him: no i'm not

Me: alam mo prayer kanina

Him: i'm thinking as of now

Me: was about
hope
i had given up hope
pero i gues
may hope naman talaga
as long as buhay
ka pa
sigh
nagiging religous na ako
hahaha
:D

Him: alamo monabasa ko kanina ung status mo
about hope
ngek.. religious?

Me: basta ur still my special someone
watever happens.
:)

Him: i hope d tau war if something is not right
in my decisions
mean. i realize ako ang fault sa life mo ngaun

Me: hahaha
di kaya
everything happens for a reason

Him: ayy naku
d na ako makapagconcentrate sa aking ginagwa
wew

Me: ay distorbo na kita
basta

Him: lumalala nanaman ubo ko
d oi

Me: dont worry
about it na nu
:)

Him: i can't stop worrying nu

Me: its a sin
hehehe
think happy thoughts
:)

Him: naaaa
positive na kaau xa
ako negative na

Me: smile ka naman

Him: naaaa

Me: dyan

Him: baliktad na

Me: hehehe

Him :)
lols

Me: ayan ba

I though at this every thing was ok but still...
Him: its not easy to smile in goodbyes
nu

Me:)

Him: haay

Me: bakit goodbye ba to?

Him: galit ka tlga sa akin ba alam k
heller
d nu

Me: di na kaya

Him: goodbyes is not really goodbyes

Me: so ur dumping me
ha!
Ana ka!
hahaha

Him: aw
kinsa ingon?

Me: sabi mo goodbye

Him: dba u did dumped me kanina pa lang?
hey we're still friends watever happens

Me: well kanina un

Him: i could be here to watch over you parin

Me: pero i didnt

Him: and to stop you from making silly mistakes.

Me: say i dump u
hay
kainis ka man
uy

Him: and of cors you will stop me from my mistakes
ngee

Me: well this is a mistake
hello

Him: pero its not stopped

Me: hatagan na ta ka ug second chance tapos u throw it away

this part i want to strangle him
Him: >_<
kay alam mo, i can't give up man gud may childish ways pa

Me: di ba u want me to tell it to u straight

Him: and second chance... lets try things over

Me: im not asking u to
give up ur childish ways nu
im just asking u to involve me in ur life

Him: i am still thinking alam mo

Me: in ur decisions an

Him: which i tried...
like sinasadya ko baya na sa nc tau kita

Me: and not make me feel like an outsider

Him: para masanay ka sa arcades
and games
hehe

Me: if ever u want to play dota to the wee hours of the morn ok lang
as long as
di ka mapapagalitan ng parents mo

Him: funny thing
haha

Me: kasi nagiging iresponsible ka

Him: i lied last saturday
alam mo yan tlga ang cause of my irresponsible
being*
kac nga... d kaya un papayag
sunod i have no choice
they are so overprotecting

Me: lied to whom?

Him: and i can't help it
paretns

Me: parents ko

Him: about where am i going

Me: strict mad din
i tell lies man
din
pero its near the truth
himu ta deal

this part just shows how immature he is!!!
HIm:naaaa
i suck at deals...
>_<

Me: i wont stop u from u childish ways
pero i will try to make
u learn na maging responsible nu
discipline

Him: hahaha
kaya kaya?

Me: kaya if u are willing
to
like u being always late

Him: pero in some circumstances, i do break it baya

Me: u wasting ur money

Him: >_<
child pa man gud ko

Me: ok

Him: nah... yan baya cnasabi nila sa akin
parents ko

Me: if u say so
i rest my case
i am trying na gyud
pero wala
still

Him: but to think, its better to spend my money in games and stuffs i enjoy than drugs and bad things

Me: hahay

Him: i really appreciate gyud baya mel

Me: apreciate wat?

Him: pero lisod gyud basta bata
trying to make me good
ewan ko bakit bumabalik nanaman pgkanegative ko

Me: kaya gani

Him: i am this negative nung college
i mean much worst pa nga siguro

Me: alam ko naman
ur can achieve more
hay
kung nandyan ako
binatukan nakita
gahi ug ulo
:@
sige gawin mo na task mo
dyan

Him: ngee

Me: later na ulit tayo chat if ever interested ka

Him: batukan man gyud

Me: yup batukan
ana ka katanga man gud at times
at ana ka negative
pinapangunahan mo sarili mo
alam mo
di ka magsucceed ana

Him: haay
hala ka oi
makaguba man gyud ni ba sa akong utok

Me: hay alain
tsk tsk tsk

Him: kanina breakan mo ako... den ngaun babatukan mo ako
:(
deads na gyud ko
ani
negative pa gyud ko and di ko magsucceed
huhuhu


what do you think? did i do the right thing?

Last Friday night I went to my office mate's grand father's wake. I really don't know what to do at funerals. I have not attended a funeral of someone so close to me. I missed all the important funerals in my family because I was away. Ares' (my officemate) grandfather died at 91. Funerals and wakes are sad. It made me think of death, funerals and losing someone. The ambiance at the wake was not so sad. I guess people were already prepared to say good bye. I was with my fellow officemates. I really wanted to pay respects to old man but I don't know I was laughing my head off due to my officemates antics. When I think about it right now I am guilty because it was rude. I mean some one died and what did we do? We hang out like there was no freaking dead body in a coffin. I did not even looked at Ares' dead grand Dad. I have not really saw a dead body in my whole life. So I think I am not ready to break my record.

After staying at the wake till 12 my officemates decided to go somewhere else. Everyone was not ready to go home. We had just received out salaries. There was a talk about guys playing Dota. It seemed unfair for the people who don't play so we ended up going to Kanto Bar at MTS. Not everyone went. Jive went home. Alain stayed at the wake. The rest separated into two groups. The first group consists of me, Nina, Ma'am Thea, Uly, Jay, Tino and Sir Doodz. Ozzie went with Ma'am Lelit on her motorcycle.

When we got to MTS. The group was again separated in two again. The people who went to Blue grey for coffee and people who went to Kanto Bar. We had red horse. I was not really planning in drinking but I was sad because Alain stayed. I really wanted to talk to him. So I said to myself I shouldn't be so uptight. So that's how the night started to get interesting. The people who got coffee came back. Ma'am Lelit was the main speaker of the night. We talked about everything. The Office, the weird people in it, and ups and downs of relationships. Ma'am Lelit is a very outspoken person that she said what was in her mind. I really admire for it. She really stood in her beliefs. I could really relate to what she was saying. Especially the part about younger guys. I don't know how much alcohol i have ingested that night. They said the group finished 18 bottles. I know I was already drunk. I was laughing out loud. I was dizzy. At least I didn't say anything too revealing since sir Doodz, and Ma'am Lelit was around. I am not ready to let them know how insane I really am.

After staying at the Kanto bar we went to Bankerohan to eat breakfast. I didn't eat anything since I was not in the mood. After eating there we went our separate ways. Tino was very kind enough to accompany me home.

I really did have fun. I was with my peers and I was not afraid to have fun. I was not the KJ person of the group. I went home at 4:30 in the morning.

(I'm such a late bloomer!)

I used to blog fearlessly but due to the current events of my life I have been so cautious with my blog posts. I kept too many secrets, too many hidden truths that I can no longer say what I want and write what I feel. I have stunted my own growth. My life used to be about self expression but with all my worries I have become my own worst nightmare. I became this person who thought too much what other people would say.

I missed my blogging days and i could never stop my blogging addiction. So I decided to make a new blog. A blog only reserve for my thoughts, my feelings and my endless rantings. This blog is not meant to read by everybody because it contains to much information about myself and people around me. I am no longer afraid to say things. I am tired of living too many half truths and dark secrets.

I will no longer be afraid.

I know will have different reactions to what they will read
....some will be appalled
....some will be thrilled
....some will hate me
....then some will learn to love me

despite my imperfections and my fickle unstable ways.

I am the summation of my past.
I am what I am...

and I will never apologize for what I am.