Happiness is a Luxury

I have been brooding oever this post for how many days now.

Writing love letters for me used to be easy. Words just flow. After a couple of relationships words and promises doesn't mean that much any longer. It's easy to say the sweetest things. It's easy to say that you will be there but when in your deep darkest moments they are not there. It's not that I don't believe in romance anymore. Maybe this is just part of getting old.

I remember when I wrote a notebook full of love letters or the time when I kept on drawing a guys face. I used to love to make scrapbooks of mementos of dates, events and other silly what nots. I took a lot of pictures with him (or her). I gave things that meant so much to me.

But when your relationship is over. All those things doesn't mean anything anymore. It's even painful remembrance of what used to be. It really makes me wonder on how one person was everything to you one day and mean nothing the next.

Sometimes it makes me wish that I didn't have relationships with them so that there would be no break up. Be just friends.

But relationships doesn't work like that. The is always a beggining and an end. As I am forced to end my connections with the past I am now builiding a new one.

I feel old when I write about realizations about love.

All of this ramblings started when I thought about writing Uly a letter. Somehow it's different with him. I don't want to write the sweetest letter and not mean a thing. I want to do it right. He is a very no none sense guy. I on the other hand is very EMO.

I hope one of these days I will find a voice to write down how he means to me.